Summer bod = any bod

(❗️WARNING❗️Next Image used could be triggering).

Summer has pretty much officially started, which means the "summer bod" and "bikini ready" topic will be in full swing. I had been dreading and avoiding the swimsuit that I knew I would have to go out and buy, and then wear. My family has an in ground pool and we pretty much swim in it every chance we get during the summer. When I got home from treatment in Denver I worked really hard at trying to cover up my body and the places that I was most insecure about, which for a while was everywhere. I have recently been able to accept parts of myself a lot better and have been able to wear certain clothes, meant for summer, that I never thought I would allow myself to wear. The swimsuit however, is a whole different ball game. I talked about my fears around buying and wearing a swimsuit with my therapist and my mom, and they both told me the same thing. Swimsuit shopping pretty much sucks. You are basically forced to look at, and analyze every part of your body. The way the swimsuit fits on your shoulders, your chest, your tummy. How the swimsuit makes your back look, your center look, your legs look. It's basically a disaster waiting to happen. So, I tried to do some online shopping and see what was out there, and possibly save myself from the wretched fitting room and the constant changing and analyzing of different swimsuits. This is what I found...

Once I saw this picture, I automatically realized I had made a very wrong decision. If I was shopping for a swimsuit, let's say maybe 2-3 months ago and saw this...I'm not sure where it would send me, but I know for a fact it would not send me anywhere good. It either would've sent me to restrictive behaviors, where my eating disorder would compromise with me and tell me "you used to look just like her" and, "you used to be beautiful just like her" and then proceed to convince me to not eat. OR, I would come up with a way to exercise and work off all of my body weight so I could get back to looking like this model. • Looking at this image now...it has sent me here. It has sent me to my coping skill and to what helps me fight back against ED. I see this image, and think "I hope she is okay" and "I don't ever want to be back there" instead of what I used to think. It is completely baffling to me that someone would think this image is okay to use. It is not. It is absolutely horrid and to put it plainly, absolutely anorexic. I look at this image and also wonder...what do companies and advertisers think this looks like? Pretty? Sexy? Fit? I seriously hope not...but then why would they use it? Why would they use it to sell their swimsuit? Well, they must obviously think all of those things. In fact, sexy is in the name of the bikini. My whole point is, society's view on body image and what looks good and fit is COMPLETELY wrong. This is not what should be shown on a swimsuit ad. This ad could have completely derailed me and sent me hurdling back towards my eating disorder only a few months ago, but I do not plan on letting that happen, and I hope this helps others realize how wrong and unhealthy this portrayed image of what a "summer body" should look like is. A summer body, is just a body, no matter what size or shape or weight, enjoying themselves in whatever swimsuit they like, during the summertime. Furthermore, after trying a few more online websites for swimsuits, mainly searching to find some hope for our society and online shopping, I decided to take the plunge and shop in store. I figured it would be better than constantly staring at what my eating disorder wants me to be. So I go. I try on several different suits and try my best to avoid all analyzations of my body. I ended up finding a very cute one-piece and can say that I definitely became a lot more aware of my body. It was not perfect and I had to battle a lot of self-deprecating thoughts, as I'm sure most women have to do as well, but it gave me a new perspective on my body. It helped me to be more comfortable with mirrors and with myself. I'm not 100% accepting and I am still battling body image, but comparing my experience with online shopping and comparing myself to models, to shopping on my own where all I have is a swimsuit and me, I would consider my search for a swimsuit, right after my discharge from treatment, very successful. • I want those who might be reading this, and if you made it all this way, you are very much appreciated, to know that your body...is already summer ready. Your body is a bikini body. Your body is perfect just the way it is, with every curve, roll, crease, crevice, mark(s), and textures that it has. Your body is a piece of art, and every single body has a different type of painting, along with a different story beneath it. So don't be afraid to show it off and show the world how beautiful your painting really is. Let's defy what society says we should look like this summer and show society what we already look like, which is perfect, healthy, and beautiful.