Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

The month of October. The month of Halloween. The month of breast cancer awareness. The month of fall. The month of mental health awareness. October has always been a pretty busy month for me. Last year, at this time, I was at ENMU, and in a sorority that supported breast cancer education and awareness as their philanthropy. We did so much during this month because October is completely dedicated to breast cancer. However, recently October has come to mean more to me than just breast cancer awareness month. Although I spent a lot of my time as a sorority member supporting and loving breast cancer awareness, it is also the month of mental health awareness. It is also the month where my own mental illness completely took over my life. October was a very rough month for me last year and I didn’t even know it at the time. When I think back to it, it’s hard to remember everything. In fact...I can’t remember much of anything. I do remember, however, that I did not treat myself or others the way that they deserved to be treated...and it was all because of ED. There are a lot of things I wish I did a year ago and a lot of things I wish I did not do a year ago. However, I can no longer dwell on the past. Instead, I can focus on what I have right now, not what I could of had or could of done, but what I have right now...and to be honest it’s not half bad. Instead of painfully dwelling on the past, I can learn from it, and I can show and tell others of what I have learned. I can spread awareness for something that needs to be spread and needs to be talked about...MORE. I can help others with what I have learned through my own experience. I like to think that this is what this blog is doing...showing people what it’s like to have a mental illness and recover from it. To show people that no one is alone, no matter what it is they might be dealing with. To show people...that mental illness is real, is not a joke, is not invalid, and is NOT something for society to just cover up.

I believe that we all in some way or another, have struggled with ourselves mentally. Some people might try to deny it, but they know it’s true. When I say struggled mentally, I don’t necessarily mean a diagnosable mental struggle, I mean the type of mental struggle we all have within our daily lives. A common one I hear so frequently is “overthinking.” We let ourselves get into these over-obsessive mind marathons over something that’s causing us mental turmoil, whether it be about a guy, a girl, a family member, a family issue, a test, a friendship, a big life decision. We think it over and over and freak ourselves out about what could happen or who could get hurt, or how we could get hurt and we play countless different scenarios in our heads, thinking and thinking and thinking...and that, is what I call a mental struggle. And there’s plenty more out there. Body dysmorphia, stress, anxiety, sadness, depression, isolation, hallucinations, sleep deprivation, insomnia, and more. As a college student, I’m almost positive we have all dealt with a lot of these things during our college career, and maybe some more than others. My whole point being, mental illness and mental struggle might not be the same thing, but they are both mental issues, and we all have them. It is not something to be ashamed of or to feel like we have to hide. I for one, have had an extremely hard time opening up about my own mental illness. For some reason I’ve gotten it into my head that no one should know and that if people did know, I would be judged and looked at as pathetic or week. I think the real reason I have such a hard time telling certain people, is because society has convinced me that I’m not supposed to. Society has convinced me that it is supposed to be kept a secret and we aren’t supposed to reach out for help, that the world is too fragile to understand what goes through our minds and that we should be able to just handle it ourselves. Well I say...screw that. I’m done sneaking around and hiding things around people and pretending that I’m fine and that nothing has happened to me. However, that is so much easier said than done. I’m working on it.

So, in conclusion, during the month of October and the awareness of many important things, let’s do our best to just be us. Let’s enjoy the joys of October. The fall season taking over, pumpkin spice flooding all coffee shops, the Halloween holiday and the bags full of candy, the haunted houses, the pumpkin patches, the new winter clothes shopping sprees. October has so much joy to offer, and I plan on enjoying every second of it, no matter what my mind tells me or what society tells me. If you can relate to any of these mental struggles or illnesses then you know how hard it can be sometimes. So, join me in trying to kick those thoughts and those struggles to the curb. Join me in saying, “screw you society,” and living a life we want to live and having a perfect, spooky, pumpkin spiced, cozy October month.